Needs v. Obligations
by ILETUDRIVE
Summary: What could have happened when Elizabeth went to see Jason after the Deception shoot. Features Elizabeth/Jason/Gia/Lucky/Nikolas. Complete


Disclaimer: GH owns the characters they just don't use them very well.

Feedback: Would be very appreciated. I have several stories to post if people are interested in reading them. Gee did I guilt you enough yet?

****

Needs vs. Obligations

~Jakes~

Elizabeth paused outside his door, she really shouldn't be here, and yet she had been pulled here like the proverbial moth to a flame. She lifted her hand to knock and hesitated before lowering it again. It wouldn't be fair to anyone if she knocked, not Lucky, and certainly not Jason. She moved and leaned against the wall, she had told Jason that they couldn't be friends anymore. The last time she had seen him, she hadn't even spoken to him, and yet she had felt his eyes on her as often as hers found his.

She shuddered remembering the night of the disastrous Deception launch party, the last time she had seen Jason. She knew something had happened, Zander had been jittery, Emily terrified and Jason, she sighed, Jason was calm and unflappable like always. She wanted to go to him to make sure he was okay, but she couldn't, couldn't because of Lucky.

Lucky. Elizabeth stared blindly at her gloved hands. He was the reason she shouldn't be here. The reason that she had promised never to see Jason again, and yet here she was. She moved to face the door again as a memory of a conversation with Emily crossed her mind.

****

~March 3, 2001~

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Emily shoved the empty mug away from her, put her elbow on the counter, resting her head on her hand and studied Elizabeth. "So tell him how you feel."

Elizabeth averted her eyes. "If he knows I don't want to do this, our dream falls apart." She sighed shaking her head. "I can't do that to him."

Emily looked surprised then concerned. "But you and Lucky share everything."

No we don't the only person I even come close to sharing everything with is Jas… she cut that thought off quickly. "I have to do this for Lucky." She said finally.

"Elizabeth give him a chance."

"He won't understand." On that she was adament.

Emily was quiet for a long time before tentatively touching Elizabeth's arm. "Well would Jason?"

"Yes he would Emily, that's part of the problem." She muttered to herself, alone in the hall in front of his door. He understood her even when she didn't understand herself, even when she didn't tell him everything. That was another reason why she should go. Yes that was just what she was going to do she was going to leave.

****

Knock Knock

Wait who knocked? She was leaving she wasn't going to knock. She bit her lip, staring at the door, maybe he was gone. Yeah he probably wasn't even there…the door opened. Elizabeth's smile was tentative and she stared up into his face, meeting his electric eyes. "Hi."

Jason controlled his surprise and opened the door wider, "You want to come in?"

She hesitated, and then walked past him, into the small room. "Thanks." She looked around removing her scarf. "It doesn't even look like you live here."

"Yeah I don't have a lot of stuff." Jason watched her move, he was surprised that she was here. He had hoped, no he knew that she would come to him again. She didn't look upset but he knew her, something had set her off, and she had come to him. "You want to go for a ride?"

Elizabeth turned with a slight smile on her face. "I can't." She made a face, "Not with this thing on my head and this stupid dress." Her eyes widened in distress and she backpedaled. "I don't mean stupid it's beautiful, it's elegant, it's supposed to transform me."

He crossed his arms in front of his chest. Yes she was upset it was all there right under the surface, just waiting to come out. She wasn't ready yet so he'd humor her. "Into what?"

"Wait," she turned away unbuttoning her coat. "You need the whole effect." She dropped the coat on the bed and turned to face him holding out her arms in one of the ridiculous poses Lucky had wanted her to do. "What do you think?"

I think you look uncomfortable, that you don't look like yourself, that you're still beautiful. "You look nice."

Her face fell and she sat on his bed. "You're right I do." She smiled sadly when he moved closer. "Exactly the way you mean it." He looked puzzled. "When someone show's you something they expect you to like, but you don't get it because you really don't see anything special, you always say, it's nice." She laughed softly. "Like when I gave you the painting of the Wind, and you said it looked nice. You didn't understand it and now it's me you don't understand."

Jason crouched in front of her. "That's not what I meant." He took her hand. "You don't look like yourself, but that doesn't mean you're not beautiful."

She felt a shiver in response to his touch, it intensified with his words. That was the second time he had said she was beautiful. Those words coming from him moved her, because she knew he meant them, they also scared her a little. She looked down into his face, a face that anyone could see was beautiful, her hand shifted under his to intertwine their fingers. She lifted her other hand to touch his face.

__

"You're beautiful. Perfect. Your skin is so perfect, soon everyone will know that this perfect, perfect woman is mine."

Lucky's words rang in her ears and she dropped her hand before she touched him.

Jason saw the change in her eyes, let go of her hand and stood up moving away slightly. For a minute there, he thought he saw desire in her eyes, maybe it was just wishful thinking on his part, but maybe not. "So what happened today?"

"I ran out of a photo shoot." She half smiled at him. "Some model huh?"

Jason half sat, half leaned against the desk watching her. "But you don't want to be a model."

"No I don't." She answered automatically, relieved that she could finally be honest. Why was it the only time she was honest was with Jason? "What did you say?" Realizing he had spoken while she was still trying to deal with that question.

"I said you should stop modeling."

She let out a slight laugh. "See I knew you'd say that. You remember the whole competition thing I told you about?"

He crossed his feet watching her. "Yeah with that other girl, Gia. I know she really bothers you."

"Yeah, she's an obnoxious, manipulative, lying little bitch." She broke off seeing his smile and reluctantly smiled as well. "Anyway, she really wants this job and she's good, real good. And I'm…" She trailed off getting up to move, her hands rubbing her bare arms. "I'm not, I only pretend to want this job because it's so important to Lucky and the camera knows I'm faking. It sees that I'm uncomfortable even being in a photo studio, all the pictures from my test shoot were flat and phony and yet Laura still chose me." She shook her head in amazement.

"She gets to do what she wants." Jason said simply. "So do you."

She stopped pacing, collapsing on the bed again, her voice was so low that he had too lean close to hear her. "I'm not doing what I want to do. Not with this whole modeling fiasco, or…" She looked up at him the tears beginning to fall. "Or with you."

Jason moved over to her. "I know."

"I should want this. It would make Lucky happy, and it would be a great opportunity for us. Also it would make him happy if I stay away from you." The words began to tumble out faster and faster. "But both of those things make me miserable." She sucked in a breath trying to calm herself. "How did it happen Jason?"

"How did what happen Elizabeth?" He asked crouching in front of her again.

She looked into his eyes. "Why is it, that ever since he's come back, the stuff that makes him happy makes me sad? And the things that make me happy make him angry?"

Jason knew that this was the first time she had ever voiced these thoughts so he kept quiet hoping she would continue.

"It didn't used to be like this. Once upon a time what made me happy was Lucky and our dreams. Now it's so hard." Her voice got weaker. "I keep lying to him and pretending, and it's killing me." She bowed her head. "Why am I even here?"

"Because it's safe for you here." Jason stood and offered her his hand.

She blinked away her tears focusing on his hand for a minute before looking up at him, as if it was the most natural thing in the world her hand took his. He pulled her to her feet and into his arms.

Her arms came around him immediately, and she tried to sink further into his hold. The coldness, the tension, and the fear that was inside of her were dissolving into his warmth. She shifted her head from his shoulder to bury it against his chest, when his hands moved over her back to soothe her.

Jason pressed his face to her hair. It was stiff and hard, not soft and flowing like it normally was but he could still smell the vanilla of her shampoo. His hands moved over her back encountering her bare skin, he wasn't used to seeing or feeling her skin. Normally it was her hand, or the softness of her cheek. Even that had only come about slowly.

When they first met he was careful not to touch her, the only times he was close to her at all, was when they were riding, and she was behind him on the bike. She projected this air of vulnerability that always made him feel big and clumsy around her. He could remember the first time he had really touched her, it was after a confrontation with Taggert.

****

November 17, 1999~

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Taggert edged closer to Elizabeth, speaking sharply to make his point. "Nice guy Morgan. Give Lucky Spencer a room and then burn the building down with him in it."

Incensed Jason moved between Elizabeth and Taggert. "You want to arrest me? You want to say I assaulted an officer? You throw Lucky's death in her face one more time and I will."

Taggert glared at him. "It's public knowledge."

"No." Elizabeth said shakily all the color gone from her face.

"Yes." Taggert snapped. "He may not have struck the match, but he's the reason the boy is gone, he is responsible for Lucky Spencer's death." He looked at her and softened his tone slightly. "And I'm not sorry to break it to you Elizabeth, not if it's going to keep you away from him."

Jason watched Taggert leave before turning to look at her, she hadn't moved, she was still shaking. "Sorry."

"Sorry?" She turned to face him her eyes blazing in fury.

For an awful second he thought she had believed Taggert. A tremendous sense of loss moved through him, he didn't want to lose her, not now, or ever. He forced himself to listen when she went on.

"Oh God, how do you stand it?" She gestured wildly. "Is this what your life is like? People feel free to stop you and abuse you, blame you for things that couldn't possibly be your fault?"

Jason smothered his smile of relief he hadn't lost her. "It's not important."

She glared at him. "It isn't fair, Taggert's goading you, he was lying."

Jason reached out, putting a hand on her shoulder trying to calm her down. She was really furious. "Hey it's alright I'm used to Taggert by now."

"How can you get used to being harassed, called names? How can Taggert be so nice to me and such a complete jerk to you?" Her brown eyes locked on his, the confusion and anger still evident in her face.

He moved closer, putting his hand on her other shoulder. "You just said it. This is about me, so you don't need to be upset."

She took a step back appalled, her eyes showed the hurt. "Don't you do that."

He looked at her in concern. "Do what?"

She took his hand. "Turn into someone else that I have to hide my feelings from."

That was one thing she never could do to him, she could never hide what she felt, she could do it to everyone else, but not with him. He tightened his hold and gradually the hug began to change in it's intent. What had started as a comforting embrace between friends, had shifted into something more. The scent of her perfume invaded his senses, again it was wrong like her appearance, it was too strong, and it wasn't Elizabeth. He pulled back slightly he wanted Elizabeth back. He brought his hands up to her hair, working the tiara free. Her eyes locked on his, but she didn't say a word, he pulled the pins free, and worked his hands through the short locks, letting her hair fall to her neck and shoulders. She looked more like Elizabeth now. "I miss your long hair." He brushed a thumb over her cheek.

Elizabeth caught her breath when she felt the soft caress, he had been touching her more and more lately. She couldn't help but feel a pull every time he did, she looked forward to his touch, and she touched him more freely as well. It surprised her. Normally she didn't like being touched, even before the rape she had been more standoffish, but with Jason it felt so natural and right. She didn't know when the touch began to change to a caress, but it was sometime before he left that first time.

At first when they were getting to know each other, he would put his hand at her back to propel her forward, the lightest and simplest of a touch. When he was shot, she touched him all the time, to check his wound, or to check him for a fever. It was like a bridge had been crossed, now it was habit for him to take her hand, or for her to hug him or kiss his cheek. Sometime, she couldn't say exactly when, she began to feel something more than comfort when he took her hand. She began to feel a sense of longing for him. When he kissed her forehead goodbye the first time he left, she'd had a wild impulse to kiss him back. Sometimes in the months that followed she allowed herself to dream about what would have happened if she did. Would he have stayed?

Last summer when he returned the awareness was immediate, at least on her part. She had been thinking about giving up on Lucky and moving on, and suddenly he was there. He picked her up in a hug, it was the first time he had done that. Tingles had shot through her, and it was so hard to draw away. Had she not found out about the brainwashing, she wondered if she would have. 

This time around they hugged a lot, their casual touches increased the longing she felt for him. When did the casual cross the line to wanting more? Lucky had always accused Jason of being after her, but wasn't it the other way around?

Her eyes clouded and she drew back breaking contact with Jason. "Sorry." She brought her hands up to her face to brush away the tears.

"For what? You're allowed to be upset."

She looked at the gloves in disgust. "I can't even touch my face."

"Let me." He cupped her face, his thumbs gently brushing away the tears, and the slight smudge that her makeup had left when it ran.

There is was again that longing that drew her to him, like he was the other half of a magnet inside of her. Here in this small room that was filled with him where there was no fear of interruption, the pull was stronger than ever. The air seemed thicker as she watched him, like it was just before a storm. She worried her bottom lip, stepping back away from the edge while she still could.

She began to work her gloves off. "You know these are called opera gloves. Obviously, people must have worn them to the opera a 100 years ago." She shook her head studying the long glove. "I don't know why because they're pointless and useless. I mean you can't touch anything, including your own face, without staining them."

He watched her with a smile on his face, she always babbled when she was nervous, he saw her run her hands over her arms again. "Maybe to keep your arms warm." She leveled a glare at him. "You know sleeves would work a lot better."

She swatted his arm with a glove. "Yes but sleeves wouldn't be as pretty, and that's the real reason for the gloves."

Jason moved to his dresser and pulled out a shirt. "It seems to me a woman doesn't need gloves to be pretty." He held the shirt out to her.

She reached for it, their hands touched, and her mouth went dry. "I'll probably get make up all over this, they paint it on me and then the lights bake it in."

"Put it on." His voice was rough. The sight of her skin was wrecking his control, the next time he touched her he might not stop, not when he knew how soft her skin really was. "I'll get you something to wash it off."

Elizabeth watched him move to the bathroom before pulling on his shirt, her arms were immediately lost in it, and the shirt fell close to her knees. She could smell his aftershave on the collar and brought it closer to sniff, before dropping it abruptly, nervous all over again. "You know, you should come to a photo shoot with me sometime, see first hand how ridiculous they really are." She dropped back on the bed. His bed. She began to fidget nervously. "They have somebody whose whole purpose is to put my lipstick on, and then somebody else to do my hair, and someone else to put the rest of my make-up on, and yet another person for my wardrobe." She shook her head when he came out of the bathroom. "It really stupid if you think about it. I have four people just to make me up to look like a doll, how dumb is that?"

"Take a breath Elizabeth." Jason crouched in front of her. He smiled when she automatically did. "Close your eyes."

"Don't be afraid." She said feeling the soft cloth on her eyelid. "Just scrub because I want this stuff off in the worst way."

"No." Jason said shortly, he wasn't going to hurt her. "Now close the other eye."

His touch gentle as it was, was setting off a flock of butterflies in her stomach. "You realize you're ruining an entire afternoon's worth of work. That's the thing about modeling the end result is so pointless." She opened her eyes to focus on him, when he moved the cloth to her cheek.

She was surprised at how close his face was to her. Her eyes seemed to get lost in his while his hand moved over her face. "At least when I paint, I hope I make people feel something. But all advertising does is make you want to buy their product." She groaned. "To go shopping, I just think that is a shallow way to waste hours and hours of your life."

She was really nervous. He wondered if his proximity to her was causing as much damage to her control, as hers was to his. This was the closest he had been to her in a long while, she was letting him touch her face, and he couldn't help but want to be closer still. "Especially when you hate it."

She smiled nodding her head. "Exactly."

"Well you're done." He dropped the hand with the cloth, but kept the other one at the back of her head.

"How do I look?"

"Like you." He broke off, bringing his hand around to her mouth. Before he could stop himself his thumb traced her bottom lip. "Except your mouth, I didn't want to get soap in it."

"Oh." She had forgotten how to breathe.

Jason moved slowly closer, his hand shifting back to her neck, she moved as well. He paused searching her eyes for an invitation before moving in to kiss her. The hesitation was long enough she pulled back, forcing him to drop his hand.

She was panting like she had run a mile, for a minute she thought he was going to kiss her. What scared and shocked her was the fact that she had wanted him too. That she had actually leaned forward in anticipation. That wasn't right. She loved Lucky, so why would she want to kiss Jason? More importantly, why did she feel so disappointed because she had stopped him? "You know what I'll do this." She took the cloth from him and began to scrub at her mouth.

"Don't hurt yourself."

"It's okay there's three layers of lipstick, plus liner and gloss." She made a face that caused him to laugh. "Your soap tastes bad."

"Compared to what?"

She shoved at his chest. "Water if you have any."

"Sure." Jason said moving into the bathroom.

Elizabeth briefly bowed her head, something was going on here, something that had been building inside her for a long time was beginning to overflow. She didn't know if she could stop it anymore, she didn't know why she was fighting so hard to stop it. She glanced around the room, her eyes landed on the desk and her gloves, lying next to them was a book on Italy. That summed it up right there. A past and a future, which one did she want to live in?

What was she saying? She tried to run a hand through her hair, only to come up short when she felt the heavy hairspray still in evidence. She dropped her hand, and got to her feet, she was so tired of doing everything but what she wanted to do. She crossed to the desk and picked up her gloves. She didn't want to be a pampered model, stuck in a photography studio day in and day out. She threw the gloves but they only went a few feet.

She didn't like wearing all this heavy makeup, being the center of attention, having people stare at her. She didn't want to have to watch what she said every single day so she didn't make Lucky mad. "God forbid we make Lucky mad." She threw one of Jason's books and was satisfied at the noise it made when it hit the floor.

Anger, bubbled over inside of her, and finally found its release as she threw another book. "Why is it so hard for me to do what I want to do?"

Jason had been watching her from the door. She looked like she was fighting with herself. As long as she didn't hurt herself he was content to let her blow off steam. If she wanted to wreck his room, and it helped ease her mind he would let her do it. He knew she wasn't talking to him, she probably wasn't even aware she was speaking at all. He leaned against the doorjamb, and watched her throw another book.

"I want to paint. I don't want to model. God I'm not even good at modeling. I want to be able to be in a bad mood without feeling the need to apologize for it. I don't want to be trapped into dinners at Eli's, making conversations about stuff I don't even care about anymore. Having boring sex that lasts exactly 16 minutes." Running out of books she threw the phone. "I don't want to be stifled anymore, I want the unpredictable. God I'm barely 20 and I'm living like an old comfortable woman. I want to live, I want to experience life, passion. I don't want Lucky, I want Jason."

Like a marionette who had their strings cut, as soon as those words left her mouth she stumbled backwards to the door, and slid down it to the floor. Her mind was numb with shock, that she had said it out loud. But there was no surprise only relief that she had finally said it. She rested her head on her knees, did she really mean that? She couldn't have, but why did it feel so right to say it. Lucky was supposed to be her everything. "Than why am I miserable?" She murmured tensing when she felt Jason sit down next to her.

Does love change over time? Or do people change? Once you do change can you go back to the person you once were? Would you even want to? She had changed and so had Lucky, did that mean they were through?

She pressed her head harder into her knees. "I'm so tired Jason." She said finally, her hand finding his.

"You have to stop fighting yourself." He said softly, bringing their clasped hands over to rest on his thigh. He was having a little trouble with fighting himself at that moment. He had heard her admission, that she wanted him, but, he had also watched her face fall when she realized what she said.

"What do you mean?" She asked finally, turning her head to look at him.

"Elizabeth you have been turning yourself inside out for months, trying to please everyone but yourself. To do that you have been denying your own needs. You have been putting your obligations ahead of your needs and it is catching up with you."

"I love Lucky." Her defense was automatic.

"I never said you didn't." Jason sighed before continuing. "I just know what I see. When we first met, you would talk about Lucky all the time. Your face would soften, your eyes would be sad, and yet at the same time happy, because of the love you were remembering. I could hear everything you were feeling about your love with him, in your voice and in your eyes, you never even had to say the words."

He shifted closer. "Since he's come back, that's changed. You repeat to me over and over that you love Lucky. But I don't see it in your eyes, I don't hear it in your voice. You never used to have to tell me that you loved Lucky it was obvious. Now you tell me all the time, trying to convince yourself. Emily tells me, Lucky tells me, everyone tells me this, because no one can see it."

She pulled her hand away and got up. "You don't understand."

Jason moved up behind her and turned her to face him. "Yes I do. You don't know who you would be if you're not in love with Lucky. You have used him to define who you are. You were the girl who loved Lucky, the girl who lost Lucky, and then the girl who found Lucky. But Elizabeth you're not that girl anymore. You've changed. It doesn't matter when it happened or how it did, but you changed, you grew up, without Lucky."

He grew quiet for a minute, his eyes grew darker, and stormier lost in a memory. "I once loved someone with everything I had and she loved me the same way, until I changed. I grew into a person, she couldn't or wouldn't understand, or even wanted to know. She pretended that I hadn't changed, that we were still the same, I guess I pretended the same thing for awhile too." He took her hand. "But the truth was I stopped telling her the most important things about my life. She was so sure she knew what was right for me, what was best for me, that she stopped listening to me when I tried to talk. It was over before she took Michael from me, it was over when we stopped listening to each other."

"Do you think you could have stopped it if you said something, or compromised in some way?"

"No." Jason shook his head immediately. "People change. Most times if you're involved with someone you change with them and grow closer, other times you grow apart. You grew without Lucky, and he changed too. But you are both trying to be who you were, and that will never work. You're not that girl that promised him forever anymore, and he's not the same boy. What does the woman you are now want?"

She looked up into his eyes, eyes that haunted her dreams. "I want you." She reached up and touched his face. "I have for a very long time, and I can't deny it anymore."

Jason smiled down at her. "Don't fight, just feel."

She moved her hand to the back of his head, and pulled his head down to her mouth. She had wanted to kiss him for months.

****

Knock Knock

"Is this Jason Morgan's room?"

Elizabeth froze looking up at Jason with panic in her eyes. "That's Gia."

Jason picked up her coat and scarf. "Go to the bathroom."

"But…"

"Go."

She had just entered it when he heard the doorknob twist, he stepped back behind the door waiting while it opened.

Gia walked inside the room. "Hello Jason, I'm sorry to interrupt but it's important."

Jason slammed the door closed behind her causing her to whirl around in surprise. "You startled me."

"You're in my room." He moved closer to her. "What do you want?"

"Chill." Gia smiled up at him. My but he was even better looking up close and in person. "I'm just here to give Elizabeth a message."

"Leave."

Gia glanced around the room, noticing all the books and stuff on the floor. "I don't want to interrupt your fun. But her boyfriend." She winked at him. "You know the guy she claims to love, is downstairs looking for her."

"She's not here." Jason said, she reminded him of Taggert.

"Then that must be your tiara. Kinky." She smiled at him seductively, running a hand over his chest. "What else do you like Jason, handcuffs?"

Jason stared coldly at her.

"Don't say much do you?" Gia asked with a laugh. "But I bet you have other talents. I got to give Elizabeth credit, her taste in lovers is a damn sight better than her taste in boyfriends. Although I'm sure you could do a lot better." She ran her hand up his arm, feeling the hard muscle there.

"Drop your hand Gia." Elizabeth ordered from the bathroom.

Gia turned to face her a triumphant grin on her face. She took in Elizabeth's appearance. Her hair was messed up, most of her makeup was gone, and that definitely wasn't her shirt. She had the bitch cold. "Well looky who is here?"

Elizabeth walked into the room. "Jason I know it's your room but I need to talk to Gia alone." She never took her eyes off Gia while she made her request.

Jason looked at her then back at Gia. "I'll be outside." 

"Well, well, well, I didn't know you had it in you, Elizabeth." Gia moved closer to the smaller woman.

"What do you want Gia?"

"Don't worry I won't interrupt your…" She paused looking at the empty desk. "Your table sex, I just thought you might want to know that Lucky could show up here any minute."

"And why would you want to warn me?" 

"Simple, I'll call off Lucky, if you drop out of the Deception job." Gia moved even closer. "It's one or the other."

"Why would I do that?" Elizabeth laughed.

"Well you drop out of a job that you never even wanted, that you stink at anyway, or I go downstairs and tell Lucky that is oh so perfect little princess is up here with Jason Morgan practicing the horizontal mambo."

"You expect him to believe a blackmailer and a liar like you?"

"Oh honey I'm nothing when compared to you on the lying stage. He's already suspicious why else would he be downstairs? Jakes is a bit out of his league." She moved to the bed and picked up the tiara. "Even he might catch a clue when he sees this room and the way you look."

"You have no idea what went on here today." She stopped herself. "I don't owe you anything, the last thing I'm going to do is try to justify myself to a lying little bitch like you." Elizabeth snapped, she could feel the walls closing in on her.

"Right whatever you say." Gia glanced to the bed and then back at Elizabeth. "I don't get you, you put on this holier than thou act, you condemn me for lying when look at you? Why do you need to make yourself and everyone else around you miserable before you allow yourself to be with the one you really want…Jason?"

"Get out Gia." She couldn't stand to hear the words coming from Gia, even if they were true.

"No explain it to me. How do you have three guys so in love with you that they are willing to buy anything that you shovel in their direction?" She studied Elizabeth. "I just don't get it, you're not that pretty, but you are definitely the best liar I have ever seen. You play these guys so perfectly, you're the perfect girlfriend to one, the girl just out of reach to another, and the wanton lover with the third. Damn you're good. You know just what strings to pull. I bet you even lied about being rap…" Gia stopped herself and headed towards the door. "You have until noon tomorrow to drop out of Deception or I tell Lucky the truth.

Her hand closed on the doorknob the same time Elizabeth's closed on her shoulder, spinning her around. "What did you say?" She demanded her eyes blazing in fury.

"That you have until noon." Gia said nervously. 

"Before that." Elizabeth snapped her grip turning painful on Gia's arm.

"What?" Gia was nervous but she still taunted Elizabeth, she was bigger than her after all. "Three men at your beck and call.

Elizabeth's hand moved of it's own accord, words and instructions Jason had given her were followed automatically and she punched Gia hard in the face. Gia staggered back falling heavily into the door. Her hand went to her throbbing cheek while she stared at Elizabeth in shock.

Elizabeth moved closer, the fury coming off of her in waves. "You bitch. That was why you came and saw me the other day wasn't it? Nikolas told you I was raped, and you couldn't wait to get in my face about all the strange men that would be interested in me." She grabbed Gia's shoulders pulling her closer before slamming her back against the door. "I always knew you were a snake, but that was just plain evil. You don't know the first thing about me, or what I've been through, yet you tried to use it to your advantage."

"I know that whenever you have a problem you run to someone and it sure isn't the person you claim to love. I know that when you're in a room with Jason you can't take your eyes off of him. I know you would make a shitty model and the only reason you are even being considered is because you're Lucky's girlfriend." Gia shoved Elizabeth back a step. "That's why your still dating Lucky, you want the damn job."

This time Elizabeth slapped her, across the same throbbing cheek. "You're confusing me with you. You're the one all over Nikolas trying to get the job, you were the one coming onto Jason a few minutes ago." She backed off. "If you want to tell Lucky tell him. But don't ever get in my face again. I am not nice, I am not innocent, I'll rip you're goddamn braids out, so get out."

"You have until noon Elizabeth." Gia warned her before finally moving out of the door.

When Jason came back in the room she was pulling on her coat. "Are you okay?"

She turned to him her eyes bright with unshed tears and anger. "I need to go."

He sighed. "I'll get you a cab."

She looked up at him when he hung up the phone a lost look in her eyes. "Gia's right about me I am nothing but a liar. It's just that Lucky doesn't understand what you do for me. No one ever understood it. It's my fault I guess I never told him." She was quiet for a time. "Jason how do I explain that you listen to me, you don't make demands from me, you don't try to fix me, you just let me be me? He tries, he really does, but he can't hear me. He is so certain he knows what I want, what I need, he did once, so I guess it's my fault that I changed and he hasn't."

"You can't help but change, everyone does." Jason argued."

She headed for the door. "I used to hate liars, and now that's all I do."

"That's because you're trying to make everyone happy when you should be making yourself happy." He reached past her to open the door.

She turned slightly so she was facing him almost in an embrace. "What if making myself happy hurts him?"

"I can't tell you what to do Elizabeth." Jason said finally. "There is only one thing I know for sure. Even with all the talk about forever and permanence, there is still only one sure thing. The one person you will wake up and face everyday in your life is yourself. So shouldn't making yourself happy be your first priority?"

She touched his face drawing his head down closer to her before finally reaching up to touch her lips to his. Their lips met, the reaction was immediate, surprise turned to desire, desire to passion, longing to need. Everything that had been denied for so long exploded in the instant their mouths met. The kiss was devastatingly brief, a mere whisper of a caress, but it changed everything inside of her. Then without a word, she turned and walked away.

****

~Kelly's~

Elizabeth pulled on a sweater, and crossed to the mirror to study her face. She saw the face of deception staring back at her. Even with the light makeup she had on it was deception because of who she was, a liar.

She picked up her jewelry box and moved to the bed. Opening it she saw the bus ticket stubs from her and Lucky's trip to New York, stubs of plays they saw there. She had given Lucky back the subway token, but she still had the tape he had made for her of the song he wrote, the bracelet he had given her for her birthday, the simple gold ring he had given her that last Valentines Day before the fire. It was a box of precious keepsakes, mementos of her first love. A love that would never be forgotten but a love that was in her past. She hadn't added anything to the box since Lucky's return, she could finally admit to herself that she never would, because this was a remembrance of her first love. And that was what Lucky was, her first love.

"Come in." She called hoarsely when a knock sounded on her door.

Lucky walked inside crossing to the bed. "Hey babe how are you feeling?" He asked lowering his head to kiss her, she turned her face so he caught her cheek instead of her mouth.

Oh God here we go. "I'm okay Lucky, in fact I'm better than I have been in a very long time." She moved the box to her bedside table and patted the mattress. "Sit down, Lucky we need to talk."

Lucky sat slowly. "I was worried about you last night, you were asleep when I got here, and you locked the bolt to keep me out."

"I had some thinking to do, and I didn't want to talk last night." She took his hand. "But we need to talk now."

"Okay." He clutched her hand, he didn't like what he saw in her eyes. "If your worried about the shoot don't be, everyone has nerves. Carly didn't help matters either. At the re-shoot everything will be great, you'll see."

Okay we'll start with that. She took a deep breath. "Lucky is that why you think I left, because of nerves?"

"Yes."

"You're wrong, Lucky I left because I never wanted to be there in the first place. Because I don't want to model."

"Of course you do, it's our dream."

"No." She shook her head. "It's your dream. Mine hasn't changed, I still want to paint."

"You don't understand." Lucky snapped getting to his feet. "You're just worried that you're not good enough. It's just like when you worried your art wasn't good enough. Remember I had to convince you, that you were good, that you loved it, you finally listened to me and everything turned out fine."

"No Lucky." She got to her feet. "This is different. Yes you did convince me that I was a good artist. But I always painted, even when I didn't think I was. I painted because I loved it, you just helped me believe in myself."

"Right just like now."

"No Lucky I don't want to be a model. I don't want people to look at me, I don't want to wear heavy makeup, or get my picture taken." She moved closer to him. "Once you would have known that."

"What do you mean?" He was beginning to get a bad feeling about this, she was way to calm, and she wasn't crying, what did that mean?

"Nikolas picked up on it, Emily did too, even Laura a little bit. Why didn't you?"

"Why didn't I what? You're not making sense."

"Lucky I was raped by a photographer, I was attacked again in a photography studio. I never feel comfortable being the center of attention, or wearing low cut clothes. Why would I want to make myself do that everyday? No why would you want me to do that?"

"That was a different time, if you're afraid…"

"I'm not afraid Lucky, I just don't want to." Elizabeth interrupted. "The Lucky I was in love with would understand that."

"What do you mean was?" He demanded grabbing her arm.

"I'm talking about the Lucky and Elizabeth who no longer exist, the one's that lived in each other's pockets, who loved each other with their whole heart. They died the night of the fire." She said sadly.

"That's not true." He shouted. "We're here, we're together."

"Yes we're here Lucky, but we're not together, and a lot of that is my fault." She pulled her arm free of him. "I have been lying to you, I haven't been happy, I haven't told you everything, I've only been telling you what you wanted to hear, and I can't do that anymore."

He backed off a step. "L-lying?"

"Lucky when I thought you were dead, I wanted to die too, and in a lot of ways I did. I was so wrapped up in the loss of you, I couldn't move on." She moved to the bed and sat down. "Then one night when the voices in my head got so loud, when everything inside of me was screaming for a release, I went out looking for trouble, and I found it." She looked at her hands. "Before it got too crazy Jason stepped in."

"Jason." He latched onto his name. "That's it he's making you say these things. Damn'it I told you he is just messing with your head, he's after you and it's confusing you."

"No Lucky you need to listen to me." Elizabeth yelled back surprising him into silence.

"Jason listened to me, you have no idea how much I needed that. He didn't give me false hope, he didn't try to take my pain away, and he didn't try to fix me. He just listened, and that was what I needed." She clasped her hands in her lap. "Gradually I learned to let you go, I started to heal."

"So he took my place in your life?"

"No." She snapped. "He has his own place in my life. When he left and before you came back. I let you go and moved on, I was always going to miss you and love you, but I was going to be okay. Then you came back."

"That's right." Lucky sat beside her. "I'm back and everything is okay, everything can go back the way it was." He told her desperately reaching for her hand. "Where's your ring?" He asked in surprise, he had never seen her without it.

"I put it where it belongs, in the past, in my memory box." She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "We can't go back, because we are different people. Maybe when you came back, if we would have started new, without bringing in all the old baggage, maybe we would have made it, but we didn't we tried to re-create something that was gone. It's time to let it go."

"No. We're a permanent lock remember, they don't break."

"Permanent?" She questioned. "Sly was your best friend, you were going to be best friends forever, have you even seen him since you got back? You wanted to sing and write songs. That was your dream for forever. When was the last time you even picked up a guitar?"

"That's different."

"No Lucky it's the same. What you wanted and promised when you were 10 doesn't mean a damn when you're 20, the same thing goes when you're 16. Everybody changes, their wants and needs change with time, sometimes we just change differently, want different things."

"This is all Jason's fault. He wants you, he's the one that put these doubts in your head about us." He accused her. "You went to him yesterday didn't you?"

"Yes I was with him, but he didn't give me these doubts, he just listened to me when I talked about them."

"See it's all his fault."

Elizabeth groaned in frustration. "Lucky listen to me. If there weren't problems between us already, Jason could never have been an issue."

"So you admit he wants you."

"Damn'it don't you see, you shouldn't be worried if Jason wants or looks at me. What you should be worried about is what I want." Elizabeth said sharply.

"What are you saying?"

Her heart broke for him but she had to be honest. "I'm saying I'm looking back at Jason and I want, no I need what I see."

Lucky recoiled from her like she had hit him.

"I'm sorry Lucky, I will always, always love you and will be your friend, but I can't pretend to be in love with you anymore, I can't lie anymore. I'm tired of being the face of deception, I'd much rather be Elizabeth Webber."

"So what?" He asked holding back his tears, and letting his anger out instead. "You're going to date him, or have you been doing him all along?"

"No you are the only person I have ever been with." She snapped angrily. "I don't know what will happen with Jason, but I want to find out."

"You'll be back." He said when she got up from the bed. "We're a permanent lock. He'll only hurt you and then you'll be back."

"No he won't, and even if he does, there will be no going back for us." She paused to look in the mirror and for the first time in months she saw herself looking back. "I never wanted to hurt you, and I will always be there for you as a friend, but from now on I'm living my life for me."

"You won't have a life if you go to him." Lucky yelled after her.

She paused in the door. "You're wrong I wouldn't have a life if I stayed."

Elizabeth walked slowly down the steps into Kellys, she hadn't cried yet, she knew she would eventually, right now though she felt a tremendous sense of relief, she felt free. Her smile turned nasty when she saw Gia sitting at a table. She walked over to her. "Here to blackmail me some more?" She asked loudly, grinning at the bruise on Gia's cheek she had tried to hide with makeup.

"Keep your voice down." Gia hissed. "I just want to make sure we understand each other."

"Oh I think we understand each other fine." Elizabeth leaned down and rested her hands on the table. "You said I had to drop out of the Deception job, or you would tell Lucky I saw Jason yesterday. Does that sum up the blackmail right?"

"You got it in one." Gia snapped.

"Gia?"

Gia gasped and turned around to face an irate Nikolas. "Hi Nikolas."

"You're blackmailing Elizabeth?" He asked moving around the table to stand beside Elizabeth.

"No she tried too." Elizabeth answered. "I told Lucky the truth about everything, so poof no blackmail." She turned to face Nikolas. "He's upstairs, I think he's going to need you."

"Why?"

"We broke up, I told him I wasn't in love with him." Elizabeth admitted. "I also told Laura and him I didn't want to be the face."

"You did?"

"You did what?" 

Both Gia and Nikolas spoke at the same time.

"I told the truth all of it." She turned to Gia. "I wouldn't get your hopes up, Laura doesn't like blackmailers, she and Carly are branching out to New York, to find the next face.

"You bitch."

"Goodbye." Elizabeth said sweetly heading for the door.

"Wait." Nikolas caught her arm. "You can't just leave what about Lucky?"

"Nikolas I don't owe you any explanations." She snapped angrily.

"What do you mean we're friends."

"Correction we were friends." Elizabeth pushed on his chest shoving him back a step. "That was before you traded our friendship for whatever idiotic relationship you have with her."

"What?" Nikolas asked in confusion.

Elizabeth moved closer. "You told her I was raped.

Nikolas paled. "I-I…"

"Save it." Elizabeth cut him off. "Whatever reason you convinced yourself was good enough wasn't." She put her hands on her hips. "How long do you think it took her before she showed up at my door using it against me?"

"She came to you?"

"Oh yeah, she's quite the little actress. She was relieved not to be the face because of all the strange men that would be staring at me, fantasizing about me."

Nikolas looked appalled. "I didn't think."

"You know what your right you didn't think." Elizabeth stepped back. "I hope she's worth losing losing our friendship." She looked Gia over. "Personally I don't think she was."

"Elizabeth wait." Nikolas called but it was too late, she was gone. He turned to look at Gia.

"What?" Gia demanded shifting in her seat.

"You have until noon to get your stuff and your ass out of my house." Nikolas ordered before walking away.

****

b~Docks~/b

"Jason wait."

Jason turned to see Elizabeth running across the dock towards him. He waited for her to slow but she kept running, until he opened his arms and caught her, bringing her to him. He pulled her close one hand going to the back of her head, losing itself in her hair, it was soft and natural today. "Are you okay?"

"You know what I think I am." She pulled back smiling at him. "For the first time in a very long time I think I am." She hugged him again, before stepping back. "Do you have a minute?"

"Sure." He took her arm heading over to the bench, he brushed the snow off of it before letting her sit.

She smiled at his actions he always took care of her.

"Where's your coat?"

"What?" Elizabeth glanced down. "I guess I forgot it." She shrugged sitting next to him.

Jason took his coat off, handing it to her. "Put this on." He ordered gruffly helping her into the coat before taking her hands to warm them in his. "What happened?"

"I told the truth." She giggled. "God I know it's just a rush and all the feeling will crash into me sooner or later, but right now I just feel so happy and free."

Jason studied her, he had never seen her eyes so bright before. "That's good, but you still should have worn your coat."

She laughed bringing her hand up to his face. "That's why I'm crazy about you Jason Morgan, you're so practical." She said before leaning in and kissing him.

Jason was still reeling form her words when he felt her mouth on his. Her mouth took his quickly, she framed his face in her hands drawing him nearer. His mouth parted automatically, when she took the kiss into breathless intimacy. Her tongue entered his mouth bringing with it her sweetness and devastated his senses. All he could feel was her touch. Passion, long denied and buried between them smoldered then kindled into flame.

As quickly as her assault began she drew back, her eyes reflecting desire he knew was in his own. "I'm sorry."

He looked at her in stunned confusion. "For kissing me?"

"No." She smiled coyly, taking his hand. "I'm sorry for waiting so long to kiss you." An awful thought crossed her mind. "You didn't mind did you?"

"No." He said running his free hand down her cheek. "What does this mean?"

"I'm taking control of my life. I broke up with Lucky, dropped out of Deception, I'm going back to plain old Elizabeth Webber." She studied their joined hands. "I was hoping that if I hadn't ruined our relationship to much you might be willing to…" She broke off. "I mean do you want to…"

"Yes I'll take you for a ride."

"No I don't want to go for a ride." She snapped, then realized what she said. "I mean of course I want to go for a ride, just not now." She took a deep breath. "Jason I'm asking if you would go out with me?"

"Like a date?" Jason asked with a grin.

She caught the humor in his eyes a second before she screamed. "Yes a date."

"It depends on who has to pay."

She grabbed his shirt pulling him closer to her. Before she could speak he caught her bottom lip between his teeth. The movement was sudden, the pressure light, the effect devastating. Her fingers clutched at his shirt while the tip of his tongue traced her lip as if experimenting with its flavor. His eyes locked on hers the whole time he teased it. When he released it, she took a deep breath. "W-what was that for?"

"That was something I have wanted to do for months." He admitted smiling at her. "Every time you do it you drive me crazy, so just once I wanted to do it myself."

"Anytime." She murmured, and shook herself out of the daze. "So I take it that means yes?"

"Yes, I want to go out with you."

"Good." Her grin was wide, and she leaned against him. "It won't be easy, I don't think Lucky's given up on the idea of him and I, and I want to keep him as a friend if I can."

"I know." Jason said quietly. "What would have happened if I said no?"

"You mean would I have gone back to Lucky?" She asked tilting her head to look at him. "No I wouldn't. I didn't break up with Lucky because of my feelings for you, although they did play a part. I broke up with him because of my feelings for him."

"Good." He got to his feet, and pulled her up as well.

She took his hand leading him to her studio. "So since you tortured me a minute ago, this means I get to drive."

Jason smiled. "No."

"Jason I'm the one who made all the moves, I'm the one in the driver's seat in this relationship, so therefore I get to drive." She moved to face him, blocking his advance up the stairs.

"You can't even remember to wear your coat, you're not driving my bike."

"I have a coat at the studio and yes I am driving." She put her hand on her hip.

"There's ice on the road." He hid a grin when her face went red.

"And what if you're driving it won't be there?"

He moved quickly and picked her up at her waist so she fell over his shoulder. "See you don't weigh enough to handle, the bike, the wind, my weight, or your own."

"Jason put me down." She laughed. "Let me go."

He lowered her slowly down his body, holding her aloft easily in his arms so they were at eye level. "Not on your life." He said before kissing her.


End file.
